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Home Spotlight

My Wife Earns More Than Me!!! 5 Ways Of Coping With It

Ugodre Obi-chukwu by Ugodre Obi-chukwu
September 4, 2012
in Spotlight
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Does your wife earn more than you? Do you feel like you need to get another job?  Do you get home early before her because of the calibre of her office? Did she buy her car herself and paid for the children’s school fees? Do you sometimes wish you could just have her resign her work and just stay home taking care of the kids? Not to worry, you are not alone in these thoughts, most men in your shoes share similar misgivings. Novelist Tony Parsons famously once said “his pennis literally would have dropped off” in a long term relationship where his partner earned more than him. Ok well, that’s a bit cynical Tony. But the truth is that people actually feel this way. How do they deal with it? Well, lets see.

 

Take the story of Julius a schoolteacher, who happens to fall in love with a banker. They soon got married and are blessed with children. His wife’s salary is more than his, making her the breadwinner of the house. She funded their 4-bedroom apartment and cars. She even funds vacation and the children’s school fees. Julius doesn’t mind abdicating his natural responsibility as a breadwinner. In fact he makes it up by being at home on time, going through home work with his kids, making sure dinner is ready for his wife and patiently waiting for her every night till she is back. He believes if he can’t meet up financially then he should compensate in other areas of family life.

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Evelyn on the other hand is married to a Lawyer whom she met and dated back in University. She now works with an oil company and earns his six months pay in one month. But that’s how far her edge over her husband goes. He instructs her to pay all or part of her salaries into his account every month and gives her an allowance for the month. She says, it’s not a situation she likes, but after several rebuffs by her threatened her marriage, she gave in.

 

Emma, a Medical Doctor, has over the years established himself as a seasoned consultant. His wife works for a multinational and is equally successful. On the average she earns well over her husband but he doesn’t mind, he likes ambitious women and pushes his wife to achieve more. He believes his earnings, though less than that of his wife is enough to cater for his family. He takes care of everything in the house, even if it means borrowing; he will not allow his wife to spend a dime. To him, a man must take charge.

 

Adelice an Accountant for one of the top accounting firms in Lagos is married to a self-employed businessman etc. He believes by nature he should be the breadwinner but he can’t turn away from the steady income that comes the way of his wife as his is far from regular. In fact, when they initially got married he almost asked her to resign believing her job may one day make her insolent. He thanks his stars he didn’t do that. Today, his wife’s steady income augments his sporadic earnings as they both contribute to the day-to-day running of their home. He gets to take care of one off payments like rent, vacation, school fees etc while the wife takes care of consumables like food, fuel, utility bills etc.

 

Peter and his wife of two years have had issues dealing with her job. She earns far more than he does, a situation he hasn’t been able to deal with. To make matters worse, she regularly comes home late from work. It just doesn’t go down well with his traditional beliefs. “A woman must be under a man no matter what”. His wife loves him so much and can no longer stand the incessant quarrels at home. She accepts his instruction to resign since he can’t find a better paying job. Now they live on his salary.

 

The above, depicts how most families deal with this thorny issue. If it were you, who would you be? Julius? Evelyn? Emma? Adelice? Or Peter? Adelice and her husband seem to be a model middle class couple. A husband and a wife should find ways to contribute to the family’s finances. It shouldn’t be the sole responsibility of one person. Women like their men being in charge even if they earn more. A man is naturally the leader of the house and should do so not by inertia but by actions. It is important to recognize the role women now play in modern society and in family building. They should be encouraged to advance their careers and allowed the independence to manage their finances. Times have changed such that behind every successful family is a successful woman.

 

 

Updated: September 24, 2012. Updates includes correction of typos and author’s recommendation on how to cope

Tags: Family FinancePersonal Finance
Ugodre Obi-chukwu

Ugodre Obi-chukwu

Ugo Obi-Chukwu "Ugodre" is the Founder, Publisher, and Chief Analyst of Nairametrics, a leading business and financial news online platform in Nigeria. Ugo is also the Chief Editor of the Nairametrics “Blurb” Opinion pages. Follow Ugodre on Twitter @ugodre and Instagram @ugodre Email: ugodre@nairametrics.com

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Comments 15

  1. resourcedat says:
    September 4, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    MY WIFE EARNS MORE THAN ME!!! 5 WAYS OF DEALING WITH IT https://t.co/XXbVL5yP

    Reply
  2. ugodre says:
    September 4, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    MY WIFE EARNS MORE THAN ME!!! 5 WAYS OF DEALING WITH IT https://t.co/GrNnCQN9

    Reply
  3. Zitera says:
    September 4, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    RT @ugodre: MY WIFE EARNS MORE THAN ME!!! 5 WAYS OF DEALING WITH IT https://t.co/pjjitYE1

    Reply
  4. Ralph Ibekwe says:
    September 4, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Good thought but badly presented. I was still reading hoping to see the writer’s well founded opinion on way to deal with such marriages, but the writer ended up posing the same question to the reader.

    Reply
    • ugodre says:
      September 4, 2012 at 1:25 pm

      I guess you missed the whole point of the blog. 5 opinions were presented using a real life depiction. And as noted at the summary of the blog, no one method is universally acceptable. Gender Equality is a matter of law of nature which you’d agree no law of man can address. However, any of the five above are recommended provided both parties agree.

      Reply
  5. Chiwy_ says:
    September 4, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    RT @Zitera: RT @ugodre: MY WIFE EARNS MORE THAN ME!!! 5 WAYS OF DEALING WITH IT https://t.co/pjjitYE1

    Reply
  6. 700439095 says:
    September 4, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Nothing. It’s the economic reality. Why would I want to do anything about it?

    Reply
  7. 700439095 says:
    September 4, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Nothing. It’s the economic reality. Why would I want to do anything about it?

    Reply
  8. briggy says:
    September 4, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    From what I hav read thru,it takes a man with Gods kind of heart and lots of humility to handle the fact that the woman he married earns way high above what he makes.my advise to men is that:
    Firstly be thou humble aand be caring,cos with this attitude,u would hav a lot under ur control.
    Secondly,believe in ur family and also strive to be a better person always and u will experience the transformation u desire.
    Thirdly if I find myself in such situation and my husband is godly,humble and very industrious,I would pray to my heavenly father to turn things around in a way to make him secure his control and pride cos every man has that element of pride and the mentality to always be in charge

    Reply
  9. ugodre says:
    September 5, 2012 at 7:12 am

    MY WIFE EARNS MORE THAN ME!!! 5 WAYS OF DEALING WITH IT https://t.co/vjhMnbQV

    Reply
  10. ugodre says:
    September 7, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    BLOG POST:: MY WIFE EARNS MORE THAN ME!!! 5 WAYS OF DEALING WITH IT – Does your wife earn more than you? Do you feel… https://t.co/J3dOOizF

    Reply
  11. Enter your name.. chike ukoh says:
    September 10, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    It all borders on the dispositions and understanding of the couples involved.Most men cannot stand the fact that their wives earn more than them. Some women will want to always rob it in that they do earn more you. If there is mutual love and respect I do not think it will be an issue.

    Reply
  12. Josyeddz says:
    September 23, 2012 at 11:15 am

    “MY WIFE EARNS MORE THAN ME!!! 5 WAYS OF DEALING WITH IT | UGOMETRICS NIGERIA : PERSONAL FINANCE | ECONOMY | BUSINESS https://t.co/NdpwURr0“

    Reply
  13. ugodre says:
    September 25, 2012 at 5:57 am

    @simplybrowne https://t.co/tMbFvvan

    Reply
  14. ugodre says:
    September 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    BLOG POST:: MY WIFE EARNS MORE THAN ME!!! 5 WAYS OF COPING WITH IT – Does your wife earn more than you? Do you feel… https://t.co/J3dOOizF

    Reply

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